His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
