Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize