I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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