Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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