I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
