I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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