Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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