I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
