I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
