We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
