what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
