The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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