Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize