She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
