omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
