i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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