I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
