I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
