God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
