Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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