just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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