Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
