Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize