You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
