its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He? As in you personified your dick?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
