Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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