I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
