you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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