if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
