the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
