I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Farmville is her only friend.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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