Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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