I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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