someone threw a dead crab at me
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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