It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
