You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
