I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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