clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
