u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
