Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
