I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
