Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
