I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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