FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
