On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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