If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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