Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
