If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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