dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
