Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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