She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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