If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
