I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
