You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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