I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
