so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
