it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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