I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
