Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
