you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize