Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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