do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
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