my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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