In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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