How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
