I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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