; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
