Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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