pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize