So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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