my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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