I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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