So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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