I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
