We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
