There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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