Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize