nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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