Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
