we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
