return my video game
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Randomize
