I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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