shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize