I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
handjob tips. give me some.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
