If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
