Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
