We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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