me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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