did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
