What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
