Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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