Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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