just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
