I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
