why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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