oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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