some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
