Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
