I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
