Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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