The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
