Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
