He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
