You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
That accounts for only three of the penises
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
