After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
