I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
We are two peas in an std pod
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
