What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
