All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
