I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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