considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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