if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
